I understand that there’s attraction on both sides, but that doesn’t justify the behavior. CYBERSPECTRE I love how you pretend you just accidentally wound up in this situation.
Advertisement My guess is that you feel entitled to pursue this man because you believe that your relationship history hasn’t been that great. You have the same problem I did: pursuing folks who were unavailable and relying exclusively on physical attraction.
He bought his wife over from another country, then she changed.
The really bad part about all this is that I am a God-fearing woman. Notice the word “act” — because that’s exactly what it is. Simply because he can’t commit to two women and he can’t lie and tell the truth at the same time. Because if you didn’t feel as strongly, you wouldn’t even be writing me and you wouldn’t feel so conflicted. And here's another thing: One of the key excuses married men use to have affairs is to escape the problems at home — a bitchy wife, a depressed wife, constant arguing, a sexless marriage, living in separate rooms, etc. He takes care of his children, he still parents, he still provides — but he doesn’t stay in a marriage and have an “affair” in an effort to escape his problems. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage, because marriages are made up of people, and there are no perfect people.
I have been going to church my whole life and I hate the fact that I have become a mistress to a married man, and yet I simply can't seem to stop my feelings for him. First of all, I want to say this: I understand how painful this must be for you because no little girl ever dreams of growing up to become a third wheel in a relationship. Always keep in mind: Rituals of seduction aren’t signs of love — they’re signs of seduction. In fact, it’s exactly because you feel so strongly about him that you’re in such turmoil. This is an important question to ask because feelings are always temporary. Whatever the problem is, the point of the affair (or mistress) is to distract themselves. However, it requires courage to deal honestly with marital issues. You wrote that he's told you how unhappy he really is at home.
Do you know the improbability of acheiving a solid relationship with a guy who acts like a victim? What exactly would bring about such a remarkable change in him? Now let’s look at your potential role in such an affair. In starting new relationships, we advise you to choose guys who are totally free and clear.
This is no walk in the park, no matter how you cut it. This means not being married — unhappily or otherwise.